Age 13, lived for 2 years on the street, and is a cow-girl now  click to read or close full bio >>

May 2010: Nasa can read and write my name   click to read or close >>

Nasa delivered the biggest surprise. She was a new girl; entirely different from the Nasa I have known since January 2010.

In January of this year, when I spent one week with all of the kids, I began to seriously worry about Nasa. She was awkward, often at the sidelines when all the other kids were playful. She wouldn’t participate in any conversation, but suddenly, after hours of silence, she’d burst out with a story, with no connection to what the kids had talked about. Watching her, I understood the expression ‘socially awkward’.

Now only four month later, Nasa surprised me by coming running when we arrived, hugging all of us and telling us what she did that day, that the animals were doing well and that she had learned to write and read a few more letters and was capable of writing her name and mine.

Little Nasa, who had refused to learn anything, was eager to demonstrate her improvement. She was attentive, listened to what we talked about and participated in the conversation. An unbelievable change!

She and I walked around on her family’s ground and she was bubbly and writing words in the sand. When we returned to the yurt, she told the others what she told me and asked them to translate. Something she had never done before.

It made Khosoo and me so happy to see Nasa so alive.

She was telling us about her cow, who apparently also came around. Her cow pretty much reflected Nasa’s behavior - don’t they say that animals pick up on their owners behavior and become similar in character? At first the cow was always alone, and didn’t want to venture out off the stable. That had changed; she was now fully integrated into the herd, gave more milk, and was pregnant. Nasa will soon have one cow, a teenage cow and a baby cow.

Nasa gave me five drawings as presents, all drawings were of a girl, surrounded by the land, sun and hearts. Coincidentally I brought her rubber boots with a heart pattern, which she loved.

Ayurzana mentioned that the changes started in the winter, when they conducted a workshop, asking the kids to draw what they would like to do when they grow up. Apparently Nasa participated for the very first time.

When she ran away last summer, she was not being punished for it, instead she was still welcomed and talked to. We explained to her how her action affected her family, Ayurzana, Khosoo and me. I can’t help to think that it was then that she started to trust that this is for real, that the adults in her life are for real and so she slowly opened up.

I also like to think that the time we spent together in the winter made a difference. Nasa was part of a group of children who accepted her and no matter how awkward her behavior, they always made her feel included. That’s when she got inspired by her peers and started asking for an ABC book, so she could learn how to read and write.

Nasa is the best example of what a little bit of love, patience and care can do for a child. I know that she had a tough upbringing, most likely worse than we think. She had been mentally, physically and sexually abused, and treated as a worthless creature by the adults in charge. But she came back, in full glory and even looked happy.

It is true though what they say – it takes a village to raise a child.

February 2010: Nasa gets another chance   click to read or close >>

Khosoo and I drove out to Nasa’s farm to pick her up for our mini vacation at the summer camp. Nasa was told we’d come, so she came running towards the car when we approached.

Nasa and I had exchanged a couple of letters throughout the fall, and the exchange seems to have softened her attitude towards me. When I visited her in the summer she would barely look at me or talk to me, and often ignored me altogether. At first I didn’t understand her resentment. Eventually it became obvious, I came and ‘conquered’ her, turned the life she knew upside down - and then she never heard from me again!

In the late fall of 2009, Nasa ran away from her current family. She just had received her cow, but according to her, she was bored. She ran off, none knew where she was or where to look for her. Later we learned that she walked all the way to UB, which pretty much takes half a day. A couple days later Ayurzana found her selling coal in the Black Market. She had hooked up with a family she knew from her days in UB; I think they sell coal regularly, so Nasa went straight to the market to meet up with them.

Ayurzana took her back to the care center. When Baaskaa came for the weekend, he sat her down and talked to her. He talked about the dangers of running away and being alone in the waste steppe, but also in UB. He visualized it for her, telling her ‘she would be breakfast for wolves’ – can’t argue there! He also spoke about the responsibility she has towards me, which I find touching, because it shows me how he thinks. My concern was more that she wouldn’t change, or develop, that she would still run off on impulse, or without foreseeing the consequences of her actions.

While she was in the care center we exchanged letters, so it was a perfect opportunity for her and me to get reacquainted, since she felt bad and apologetic. Since she can’t write herself, Baaskaa wrote the letters for her and she put her thumbprint on it, as a stamp of approval.

Reading Nasa’s letters, I had the feeling that she ran away on impulse. That she didn’t have the ability to understand or analyze her emotions. I suggested that she should try to verbalize her wishes and needs. If she is bored and she misses the city, she can ask her family if she could visit for a day. Somehow we would manage to organize that for her, maybe not immediately, but we would try. This is a very advanced concept for a girl who has never received any education or training or even encouragement to express herself, but I figured we have to start somewhere.

Her foster parents became very concerned and wary, since they are responsible for her well-being, but they agreed to take her back. I am sure there was a lot of sweet-talk from the police chief Ayurzana, in order to persuade them! So right before New Years, Nasa returned to her family.

Nasa running away gave me the idea of bringing the kids closer, establishing a bond, so they would understand that they are not alone with their feelings and uncertainties. It was then that I decided to take them all on a mini vacation and encourage them talk to each other, in addition to us adults.

Nasa was so excited when we all drove out to the summer camp. She and Enkhtsetseg became friends while Nasa was living in the care center, waiting to return to her family. Of course she knows Baaskaa, who she treats like an older brother and she knows Davaa, because he would come for the weekends from Naleikh. She embraced Batbileg as the new younger brother.

The four days had an amazing effect on Nasa. At first, she would stand a bit on the sidelines, she would attend, but not really participate. She listened, but didn’t speak much – and suddenly, out of the blue, she would interrupt everyone and say something that was not really related to the topic at hand. That slowly softened and by day four she would participate in the conversation.

One evening we discussed what everyone wanted to do in the near future. Nasa immediately said she wanted to do nothing. The kids were great, they always accepted her, noone made fun of her or commented in a negative way. They acknowledged her and then continued to talk about their ideas. Nasa listened intently. Some of them knew what they wanted, some of them were unsure, so we started an open discussion. Khosoo and I laid out what we could provide and which possibilities they had, or discussed why there were certain things we could not provide, at least not right away. We found compromises where compromises were needed. Once everyone had spoken, I addressed Nasa again, asking her if any of this sounded appealing to her. She wasn’t sure, so I suggested that we might be able to increase and better her livestock.

Her foster mom told us that we bought the wrong cow. We bought a cow from a neighboring area (it was cheaper!) but that was not good for the cow. Apparently cows are home-bound and have a hard time adjusting to a new environment. As a consequence, Nasa’s cow’s baby was often sick and the mother cow gave less milk than the homegrown cows. When she explained that, Ayurzana, Khosoo and I looked at each other in total bafflement. None of us ever expected to have to know these things!!! I was also amazed, as it is not in the Asian culture to criticize, but I was glad she told us, because now we know!

Based on that conversation, I suggested to Nasa to wait until her cow has more calves, sell two of them, and with the money gained and some extra money from me, we could buy a homegrown cow that would produce the proper amount of milk, which could be sold. With the profit of the milk, we could buy more cows over time, until she has her own small herd. Nasa thought about it for a moment and decided she liked the idea. The other kids agreed, that this could be done and it would result in profits. After the kids’ assessment, Nasa declared that this would be her plan for the future.

Days later, when I introduced Saraa, the new ‘supervisor’, I asked the kids to tell a little bit about themselves, so Saraa had a chance to get to know them. Nasa repeated the plan about selling, adding cows to create a herd over time. Saraa looked impressed and congratulated her for such a well thought-out business plan and Nasa beamed with pride.

It’s THAT easy to motivate a child to be creative. It’s not that I think we did so well, what kills me is the pain I feel when I realize how little she got in her early life.

Nasa is still unable to read and write. Her foster mom tried to teach her, but it seems very difficult for Nasa to remember anything, or to connect certain thoughts, knowledge. She may be able to add two and two on paper, within her math lecture, but when she looks at eggs, and is told to get four, she is at a loss. I truly believe it is more an attitude problem than an inability. I think at some point she gave up and started to believe that she is incapable. I believe that Nasa has lived through such extreme neglect that her ability and development in some aspects are more in line an eight year old, than a 14 year-old. Once she decides she can learn, she will be fine.

She had fun on the basketball court, and I would see her glancing at the others, and repeating what they did when she was at a loss, because she didn’t understand what was asked of her.

When we went to see Avatar, she slept through it. I think it was simply too much. She had never been to a movie theater, and this film is a tough one, there is visual impact coming at you at all times. In addition, the film was English with Mongolian subtitles (normally everything is dubbed), and she can’t read. So not only was she in a new situation, bombarded with oversized images, she couldn’t understand a thing. We look at it, knowing the story, because we have seen it so many times, but not Nasa. So she checked out and slept.

On the last day we asked the kids to write their own shopping lists, as we were about to go the Black Market. We needed to buy entire outfits for Enktsetseg and Batbileg and stock up for Nasa, Baaskaa and Davaa. This was again an exercise for the kids to express what they wanted and needed. Amazingly, Nasa wrote a long wish list. She had no trouble expressing what she wanted. It was very touching, she wanted earrings and a ring, a nightgown and nylons. I think she is becoming a woman, which adds a whole new set of emotions for her!

When we finally returned her to her family, she cried. It was heartbreaking. Of course she’d misses the excitement, having kids around, being part of something. She also got close to me again. As she did last winter, she was in constant physical contact, leaning on me, holding my hand, or walking arm in arm. I am glad we sorted it out, and I believe she is now assured that I will be a constant in her life. I may be physically absent most of the time, but writing her letters will help to bridge that. I already sent her a small photo album, with pictures of our time together, so she has something to remind her of her friends. Also, she has visual proof of herself.

My biggest moment of joy was when Nasa added an ABC book to her wish list. She finally decided she wanted to read and write. I am sure she realized that her entire family can do something that she can’t, so she changed her mind and developed a desire to catch up. That was the whole point of the mini vacation get together to let them figure out what they wanted and to get them to express it; so I guess we did good.

October 2009: Nasa gets a cow   click to read or close >>

During the summer, Nasa moved from her first foster family, who were predominantly sheep and goat herders, to her second foster family, Sansar Togtoh, Odgerel Tomorbaatar and granny Tsendkhuu Norov. This family only has cows and runs a successful dairy business; they deliver milk to UB daily. It would be impractical for them to have sheep and goats as well, as sheep and goats have to be moved long distances throughout the day, while cows pretty much stay in one area.

Therefore we decided to re-distribute Nasa’s animals to Davaa and Zola and with the money ‘saved’ we bought Nasa a cow with calf. (Cows are costly, especially when you buy a calf with the cow, but hopefully it will be a good milk cow and quickly recoup the investment.)

Last week the animals were delivered. A black cow with a two month-old, brown calf – Nasa’s first cow family.

Nasa was delighted! Now she is able to fully contribute to her foster family’s business, while she has something to call her own. Hopefully her ‘family’ will expand and there will be another calf next season.

August 2009: Nasa gets a new start with a new family   click to read or close >>

We also went to see Nasa, who has lived with a new family for the last two months.

Nasa liked her original foster family very much, but felt lonely because she was the only youngster in the family. So she kept running off to the neighbors, who had a girl and boy roughly her age.

Mr. Dashnayngarag and Ms. Ikhbayar became concerned, because they thought it was dangerous for a girl to run through the steppe all by herself. They felt they couldn’t guarantee Nasa’s safety. But they also understood that she was lonely and longed for other children to be with. So they called Ayurzana.

Ayurzana decided it would be best to find a new family for Nasa that would match her needs. Her new family, Sansar Togtoh, the foster dad and Odgerel Tomorbaatar, her foster mom, lives an hour and a half away from Ulaanbaatar, close to Byambaa. They are cow herders, and make a living by selling their milk daily in the city. When we visited, only the man and this mother were present, his wife and their two children, 11 and 12, had left for the city because school had started. Tsendkhuu Norov, ‘Granny’, as Khosoo tenderly called the elderly lady, shares a yurt with Nasa. Nasa’s yurt is used as a storage room at the moment, until the rest of the family returns. But it is agreed on; Nasa and Granny will share one yurt, while the family shares the other.

Tsendkhuu Norov, Nasa, Sansar Togtoh

Nasa looked great, she’s grown in height and gained weight. She looked like a very healthy country girl! I really liked her new family, particular ‘Granny’ who told us in detail what she is teaching Nasa, starting with the basics: how to behave, how to ask for things she needs, how to ask for things she wants. How to keep herself and her belongings in order and clean. It became so obvious, that these kids really know nothing. They can survive, but without guidance, they just don’t know much. It is so hard for them to be part of a community, a family that has a schedule, rules and boundaries. I get the feeling that it is difficult for the kids to understand that people who have authority could also love them. The hardest thing for them is to trust and to open up and allow themselves to be part of something.

Nasa reacted with very mixed feelings to me. In the winter, she would always sit next to me, lean into me and would not let go of my hand. This time, she barely looked at me.

Nasa had had a particularly hard time on the street. Ayurzana had her evaluated by a psychologist, who confirmed that Nasa would need a long time to recover due to her neglectful upbringing and her years on the street. She seems to be in good hands, now that she is with a motherly, wise woman, who with a giggle told us that she had had six children and a yurt full of grandchildren, and that she can do it one more time.

We agreed on the importance of ownership for the kids. They need to know that they own something and that they contribute to the family, they are not just live-in help or the recipients of handouts. If everything works according to our plan, Nasa should have her cow with a baby cow before the summer’s end. After Nasa’s move, Ayurzana decided to deposit Nasa’s herd with Davaa’s foster family and with Byambaa, until we find a way to exchange them for cows. After leaving Nasa, Ayurzana and I put our heads together and tried to figure out how to ‘transform’ Nasa’s animals. It sounds easy, but believe me, it’s not!

May 2009: Nasa reads and writes   click to read or close >>

Nasa finished her first year of schooling. Due to her late start, her schooling was limited, but I was told that she can read and write now.

When it came to writing me a letter though, she felt inadequate to use words and sent me this lovely drawing:

March 2009: Nasa is interviewed for national TV   click to read or close >>

Nasa settled in quite nicely, and she and her new family get along well. When Ayurzana visited her last, he had the impression that the small family is quite happy to have each other.

All goats gave birth, so Nasa’s herd grew quiet substantially! Sadly, one baby goat didn’t make it. The mother goat gave birth in the late hours, just before Nasa would bring the herd in, so she didn’t realize that a new baby goat had been born. Consequentially, the next morning, they found the baby dead, eaten by a wolf. Nasa was very disturbed and inconsolable for days.

Life is hard in Mongolia!

A Mongolian Television reporter was working on a story about Ayurzana and Khosoo’s NGO. She heard about our joint efforts, and as a result, went to visit and interview Nasa. The reporter was very impressed by the stories, and when on air, she inspired her viewers to start their own collection for Nasa. As a result, Nasa has her own yurt now, which is set up right next to her foster parents. At the moment they are using it as storage -- for the same reason that Baaska doesn’t live in his own yurt during the winter months -- it’s too much wood to heat two yurts and Mongolians like to stay close. But it makes Nasa happy and a bit more independent! The yurt is a great investment for her future!

Poor lucky Nasa, she is such a shy girl and here she is, on TV, all eyes on her.

Ayurzana decided that Nasa should go to school. In May, she will move back into the child care center for 3 month, so that she can attend school in the city. It is very common for kids to go to school in the city, which makes it extra hard for parents to provide, as they need a place in the city in addition to their yurt in the country. In a regular family, one of the parents moves with the kids to the city, to be with them, which leaves the other parent out in steppe, by themselves.

Ideally, in the future, we will be able to provide the kids with an apartment during the school month with full supervision by a guardian, who lives in the apartment full time. But that will have to wait!

I can’t wait for Nasa to be able to read and write and be able to count her own sheep!

In this photo, Nasa is wearing a traditional herder coat, called a ‘deel’. It’s one of the items we bought for her in the black market. Traditionally, Mongolians own two types of deels - one that they wear for work, like the one Nasa is wearing here, plain and practical; and a ‘Sunday deel’ worn at important occasions, like those worn by Mr.Dashnayngarag and Ms.Ikhbayar, her foster parents, for the occasion of the TV interview. The ‘Sunday deel’ are made from shiny, textured material with silver buttons.

January 2009: Getting Nasa off the street   click to read or close >>

I was introduced to Nasa by Ayurzana on my third trip to Mongolia in January 2009. I had let Ayurzana know in advance that I was interested in fostering a girl, as I imagined it to be so much harder for a girl to live on the street.

Nasa is 13 years-old; she lived in the childcare center for more than 6 months where she worked in the kitchen and was generally attentive and happy to help out where ever she could. At one point, a few other kids convinced her to run away with them, which she did. It took Ayurzana just 2 days to find her before Nasa was back in the center. Since the kids are only allowed to stay 6 consecutive months at the center, everyone was relieved because now they could start counting from zero again.

I presented Nasa with the idea of living with a foster family and learning how to tend to animals, and her response was, “Good, I like sheep”. When I asked her what she wished for herself, she said a watch and perfume, nothing more.

Nasa is a very quiet girl. Knowing this, we tried to match her with a family who is also on the quiet side.

Mr.Dashnayngarag and Ms.Ikhbayar were excited about the idea of having a girl live with them, especially since Mr.Dashnayngarag is out all day herding the animals, while Ms.Ikhbayar is home alone.

We decided to follow what had been successful with Baaska. Nasa would stay for 3 days with her new family, alone, and after three days, we’d return and all of us would discuss if the family would welcome her, whether she wanted to stay, and what she needed. When we picked up Nasa from the childcare center, she showed up wearing an hilarious bear-head hat, ‘new’ shoes (which were a size too big!) and a coat that was pretty but too light for the cold.

As expected, Nasa settled into her new family quietly, saying nothing, except what she thought we wanted to hear, but she seemed happy and excited. She kept repeating that she likes sheep and that all she wanted was a watch. Long pause. And some perfume.

After 3 long days we returned to check on Nasa. She was happy to see us, to tell us how much she liked her new life, the family and the mountains. While she was talking, she jumped around the yurt, prepping the feed for the animals, cleaning dishes, and sorting out where things would go. It turns out that Nasa is quite a strong, opinionated girl, who knows what she wants and how it should be done! The family liked her a lot and Ms.Ikhbayar asked us to bring a notebook and pencils, so she could teach Nasa how to read and write.

We sealed the deal with the family. I bought 8 goats and 4 sheep, which would be co-owned by Nasa and the family. Luckily, we came at a time when the animals were pregnant, which meant that hopefully in a few months, the Nasa and the family would see an increase in their shares by 50%.

After having a huge meal of homemade dumplings, cookies and vodka, we signed contracts and went to mark Nasa's  sheep. Of course everything took longer then planned and we ended up in total darkness trying to sort sheep, having to use the car headlights to give us a bit of light in trying to figure who was who among the sheep population!  We were on the lookout for females, but due to the darkness, you can only figure out the sex of a sheep by touch! Baaska came along that day, so he was in charge of marking them.

We drove back to Ulaanbaatar to go shopping with Nasa. This is always the roughest part -- these kids have nothing and very quickly you have to buy them all the necessities that they've always wanted but never been able to afford -- Nasa didn’t own a thing she wore that day, everything was a hand-me-down or borrowed.  We bought her underwear, socks, shawl, jacket, shoes, a pillow, a blanket. The only moment of comical relief was provided by Nasa, who insisted on having everything in pink. If it wasn’t pink, she didn’t want it. And I finally bought her a watch.