Davaasuren’s father left the family when the children were very little, and declined to be responsible or in charge ever since.
The family is very poor and apparently the two uncles weren’t contributing anything to the household and acted rather destructively, besides being alcoholics. They abused Davaasuren verbally and physically, but luckily left his two younger sisters alone.
Davaasuren’s mother got ill, and after a long sick period at home, she was finally admitted to a hospital with advances state of tuberculosis. Her illness is so advanced, that it is unlikely that she will recover. Ayurzana visited her, talked to the doctors and was informed of the prognosis.
The children remained at home, under the supervision of the uncles, where Davaasuren’s abuse intensified, since there was no one to defend him.
After getting him off the street, Ayurzana kept him in the child care center as long as he could, but when the 180 days were up, he sent him to a summer camp, that would take homeless boys temporarily, until a better solution could be found. Meanwhile, he investigated Davaasuren’s situation. He found the family in very bad, poor conditions. He visited the mother, who was in the hospital already. She was grief stricken, because she didn’t know how to take care of her children, but very relieved when Ayurzana asked for permission to send Davaasuren to a foster family in the Naleikh province. The mother also asked for help regarding her two daughters, which we will try to figure out.
We were lucky to find Davaasuren at that early stage as a homeless kid. It becomes increasingly difficult with time passed on the street to reintegrate these kids in a structured environment.
He completed his first year of school in Naleikh, where he chose driving a bulldozer as his main subject. He says he likes it but I have a hard time seeing him in a construction or mining environment.
Sara and I discussed Davaa’s future and we both agree that he has much more of a thinker, than a doer.
But so far he is in school, he likes it and he gets good grades.
Now, in his second year of school, Davaa decided he wanted to save a little bit of money every month. He asked if we could help him to open a savings account. I was very impressed by his desire and made a deal with him. I will double the amount of money he saves until the end of his next semester. Davaa got very excited; he immediately started calculating in his head. I wouldn’t be surprised if he saves half of his monthly allowance.
I think Davaa tries to free his mother from having to depend on her two brothers, the men who don’t allow Davaa to move back home and beat him up as soon as he tries. It’s a long way to go for him, but I am very impressed by his beginning.
He still shuttled back and forth between his school in Naleikh during the week and the childcare center in UB on weekend. The students have a break for one month in January, which Davaa spent entirely in the center. For one week he went to visit Baaskaa on the farm – which everyone enjoyed except for the fact that they all got lice, which Davaa imported from the care center!
He came to stay with me on my second night, and again, he only had a very small bag of belongings. I asked where his things were, but he just shrugged and looked away.
I remember the same thing had happened with Baaskaa when I visited last winter, most of the clothes we had bought in the summer were gone. When I poked him, he eventually said he lost them. I knew there was something going on which he didn’t want to tell me. So when I got the same reaction from Davaa, I didn’t give up. I waited until the boys were united and asked both of them, assuring them that I wasn’t angry or disappointed, I just wanted to understand. Of course at that point I suspected what happened and it turned out my suspicion was right.
They have a tough hierarchy in school! The second year boys run the show and the newcomers, particular in the first semester obey the pecking order. That’s how they keep ‘losing’ their things! I thought they were exchanging their clothes, as I had done with my friends at that age (weird how everyone else always had better stuff!), but I didn’t know they were bullied. Baaskaa and Davaa never really admitted to being bullied, but when I asked them directly, Baaskaa just gave me a non-confrontational, Mongolian response: ‘Many things can happen’.
The boys try to maintain a low profile, not letting anyone know that they have outside support. I guess they just sat it out, knowing the second semester would get easier. Neither Baaskaa nor Davaa are confrontational, both of them seem to thrive through connection and harmony.
Last fall Davaa tried to return home and live with his family. His mother recovered enough to be released from the hospital, but she is still very weak and stays in bed most of the time. Her condition makes her and her daughters dependent on her two brothers, Davaa’s uncles, the ones who beat and abused him. Davaa and his mother had hoped that enough time had passed, that the uncles might be a bit more supportive, but they were wrong. Immediately after Davaa’s return they started to insult and beat him. So Davaa returned to the childcare center.
Now he tries to visit his mother every Saturday.
It leaves me speechless, that two adult men go after their teenage nephew, making it impossible for him to live at home with his family.
When we went back to the Black Market, I made him promise me that he’d take a maximum of 15minutes to pick out any item. I would allow him two exceptions, but reminded him to choose them wisely. He was good and he kept his promise, except that we soon realized that in order to be quick, he forgot half of the things he needed, so we had to go back!
I dropped off Davaa at Naleikh on his first day of school. It was a big good-bye, hugging, promises to write letters, waving. Once I was back in the car with Ayurzana, he reminded me that Davaa would come back following weekend, and that he would stay with me again – I guess Davaa isn’t the only one who spaces out every once in a while!
Davaa never really made it out to his foster family, due to repeated illness. After spending some time with him, I started to understand why. He is reluctant to enter a new family, because in his opinion, he has a family! From a kid’s perspective, this is totally understandable.
He did express interest to go to a vocational school though, so we signed him up at the same vocational school as Baaska in Nalaikh. His foster family is a little bit perplexed, as they won’t see him now for another three months, since the school has dormitories.
What I am understanding more and more is that you can’t just come up with an idea and mold these kids into the idea. They must be interested and motivated. If they don’t want to do something – they won’t do it! And it does take quiet a while to find out what they want. Often they cannot articulate it, or they don’t want to articulate it, because they fear they won’t say ‘the right thing’.
The good news is that Davaa’s foster family has already received his animals. The herd grew quite substantially. In January we bought six goats and four sheep. Four of the goats were sold, with the profit two more female sheep purchased and all five sheep had babies. Davaa is the proud owner of 11 sheep now! (sheep are more valuable then goats)
This was my first experience on the market without Mongolian ‘supervision’! It was just the three of us, Baaska, Davaa and me. When I went with Ayurzana, he picked a stand with pants, pointed at a selection of three and told the kid to pick one. That’s the only way you can make it within half a day! This time, it took forever, because I let them choose. It was worse than going shopping with a bunch of twelve-year old girls. Davaa has a very particular taste and takes decisions seriously. Besides, neither of them has ever gone shopping and being able to choose!
I wished I could have had more time with him. I would have liked to go visit his mom in the hospital. I think he hasn’t seen her in a long time, at least two months or more. Maybe it’s a good thing, because I’ve heard, she isn’t doing well. I am glad Davaa found a place to stay and something to do he really wants to do. He is clearly not out cut for life on the street.
Davaasuren was introduced to Mr. Lumbengarav and Ms. Narantsesteg, also known as the ‘show family’. They mutually liked each other, and the foster family agreed to take him in. Davaasuren didn’t know at the time why he was visiting the family, but on the way back home he kept talking excitedly how much he liked the family and their animal farm.
Ayurzana also managed to get Davaasuren a passport.
